You might be a redneck if... (True stories from the life of Marie Aquanet)

You recently had a discussion with your kids over which is better, Kraft mac-and-cheese, or the Velveeta kind.

You all have a strong opinion about this.

You’ve ever gotten a call from a neighbor asking to borrow some Duct Tape, and you happen to have a roll of it in your hand.

You have a roll of it in your hand because you’re using it to cure a skin condition.

There are more than two layers of linoleum on your floor.

One of those layers might give you cancer.

You’ve considered adding a third because the second layer is peeling.

You’ve had a mattress strapped to the roof of your car.

You have more than one years’ worth of Christmas trees in your back yard.

Growing up, your Barbie doll wore pants-suits because her legs wouldn't stay on otherwise.

You know what Government-Issued Honey tastes like, and you prefer it.

Your first car was the "good car" because the roof fabric wasn't sagging.

You've impressed your friends with pan-fried bologna with a grape jelly glaze. (Actually that's not a true story. I borrowed it from Vineland but it just sounds so good.)

You declined to go on a daytime talk show titled “My Family Thinks I’m Too Sexy” with your aunt to promote her pornographic website because she’s married to your ex-boyfriend and you’re six months pregnant with twins.

Family and friends, please feel free to add your own.