Last night, I went to see Marc Cohn at the Boulder Theater on the spur of the moment. Partly because I love his voice and find it incredible that I could be in the presence of it for a mere thirty bucks, and partly, just because I could. When you're married, if you say to your partner at five o'clock on a Thursday afternoon, "I think I'll go to a show...ok?", be prepared for a little bitterness. But if you're single and it's not your week with the kids? BE FREE, LITTLE BIRD! GO!
That alone made it fun. But then, two drinks in and sitting in the dark balcony, I heard him say, This song is perfect for those who are going through a divorce, especially in winter.
I yelled, Thank you.
He answered, Congratulations. And then he sang this, which I'd never heard.
No matter how often I say it, no matter how many moments I have when I know with all my heart that it's the right thing, I'm still grieving, and it still feels a little shameful. People don't know what to say when you tell them you're getting a divorce, so they usually say things like "I'm sorry" and "What a shame", which reinforces those feelings. But last night, here was someone whose recorded voice has held me and inspired me for years, saying right to me, Congratulations. You're becoming something beautiful, better. Life's answers are slow to unfold (no shit), but it's okay. This is something worth celebrating!
Needless to say, I wept. But it gets better.
There were just a few of us in the balcony, including two young women sitting a few seats down from me. One of them handed me a beer as the tears were streaming down my face, and said, This is for you. Drink it down, girl. That gesture just floored me. I reached for her hand and squeezed it, cradled the beer, and let it all enfold me.
I texted my friend Lisa about the song and the beer, because Marc was also going to sing her wedding song, "True Companion", and because she's one of the ones who knows what this path is like. "I'll YouTube it. How sweet. Go have sex with her." This is why I love my friends.
Anchored, supported, celebrated. And just a little inebriated.
Happy tears for you at work. I wish I'd been there. I miss you, and my god, are you a wonderful writer.
ReplyDeletePS: You aren't becoming gold. You've been gold the whole time. Love you.
PPS: Your blog name is the win.
Thank you! You are my rock, and also a very talented writer. And now I can read your blog without getting all flummoxed about logging in! (Easily confounded)
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